{"id":2136,"date":"2018-02-08T18:40:06","date_gmt":"2018-02-08T18:40:06","guid":{"rendered":""},"modified":"2018-02-08T18:36:58","modified_gmt":"2018-02-08T18:36:58","slug":"contemplating-divorce-do-these-5-things-first","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/yourrights.com\/contemplating-divorce-do-these-5-things-first\/","title":{"rendered":"Contemplating Divorce? Do These 5 Things First"},"content":{"rendered":"
f you’ve started seriously contemplating divorce, how will you know if it\u2019s time to move on from your marriage \u2013 or any significant relationship?<\/div>\n
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1. Do a Self Check-In when You’re Contemplating Divorce.<\/div>\n
If you’re questioning your relationship and whether you should I stay or should I go, chances are that the a big part of the struggle you’re having with the other person\u2019s behaviors and beliefs is actually a mirror of your own inner conflict.<\/div>\n
When contemplating divorce, before making any life-altering decisions or jumping into divorce proceedings, you need to pause and do the inner work necessary to know yourself; your pain, your core wounds and beliefs, and your own lack of self-love. Whether or not you decide to move on, this self-awareness will serve you in this or any other relationship that comes after.<\/div>\n
Take time to understand past conditioning and why you chose the partner you did. What are the family dynamics and core beliefs about your lovability that were passed down from your family? What are the \u201cshoulds\u201d you have about being a good partner? A seasoned therapist or coach can help you to discover which of your own inner pain your spouse is reflecting in his\/her behaviors helping you get clear about what you are bringing to the table in your marriage.<\/div>\n
And most importantly, learn tools to support yourself and get to the heart of what you truly want. Practices like yoga, meditation, journaling, and self-reflection can help you get to the heart of the matter. Take at least 10 minutes each day to quiet your mind and connect with your own inner wisdom. Don’t be discouraged if nothing much happens the first times you try this new daily practice. Keep at it! Seek support from a professional (or download an app if professional help is beyond your budget) to help you learn how to see through the clouds of fear and old conditioning. Only then will you know which actions to take next.<\/div>\n
2. Contemplating Divorce? Slow Down and Take Good Look at Your Relationship.<\/div>\n
Once you begin to understand your part in your relationship conflict, you’ll start to see how your old conditioning has been contributing to the dynamics of the relationship. Are there old patterns that can be reprogrammed through processes like couples therapy or relationship training? In other words, can you change the dynamics through personal growth and couples counseling, or are one or both of you creating blocks that are standing in the way?<\/div>\n
When contemplating divorce, you need to figure out if and how the relationship can be restructured to serve your highest desires and intentions for fulfillment and happiness before calling it quits. If there\u2019s a will, there\u2019s often a way. But if love has truly left the table, and there are non-negotiable blocks, it may be time to take the next step into the divorce process.<\/div>\n
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3. Get the Facts and Know what to Expect when You’re Contemplating Divorce.<\/div>\n
It\u2019s vital to have an understanding about what the divorce will mean for you not only emotionally but logistically. As you navigate the stormy waters of the emotions and fears that arise once you know the end is inevitable, it\u2019s crucial to understand your legal rights and how you will start over as a single person.<\/div>\n
I always encourage people to consult with an expert, most often a family lawyer (make sure to choose a lawyer who will be realistic with you about the chances of achieving particular goals \u2013 not one who is ready to wage war against your spouse, rack up their hourly charges, and achieve nothing), who will clearly outline the state laws about how property and finances will be split, what parenting schedules might look like, and how long the actual process might take. Having this information will give you an idea of what the next steps are, and keep a worry and \u201cwhat ifs?\u201d at bay.<\/div>\n
Ask yourself important questions, such as:<\/div>\n